It is stupid how easy it is to forget God. And it is surprising how simply forgetting Him can put the rest of life out of whack.
It seems that this is the same conclusion I've come to countless times, again and again. Neglecting to spend time with God; days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and years turn into "how did I get here?" Forgetting God causes a fog to descend and consume me. It covers my heart. I'm filled with anxiety. Anxiety is the absence of peace and calmness, and God is peace, His presence is calm. Anxiety overpowers the knowledge that God is in everything, including me. It makes me forget about the Holy Spirit being in my heart.
Forgetting God causes me to forget God.
It is an endless machine, always working to create more fog. Always trying get me to forget the God who loves me, and values me.
But its crazy how immediate the remedy of all of this is. Just a simple call to honest prayer cuts through the fog. What once was blurry and unsure now makes perfect sense; that which is the reason for how I got into this mess in the first place. It wasn't by overtly doing anything evil or bad, by sinning more then the next guy. No, it was by simple neglect. Neglecting to spend time with God today, pushing it to tomorrow. It snow balls, rolling down hill, and it grows and grows. Once it starts rolling down the hill fast enough you can't keep up; you can't stop it anymore on your on. But ironically enough you forget the one who would be able to help you.
Ive been here before, countless times. As I've gotten older, I've come to recognize this crossroad. And by the grace of God alone has he brought me back to this crossroad. That being said I don't know why I struggle with trying to decide which way to go. You'd think it'd be obvious. But I struggle. There is a battle raging inside of me; running away from God vs running to God. Is it my inert sinful, selfish nature fighting against a God who is pure and sinless? I don't know why I struggle so much to just Commit.
Let me finish by asking you to not be overly concerned about me. I don't have this ginormous problem causing me question all of reality. This post is simply the product of me being made aware and reminded of how easy it is to forget God. This post is heavy and long because I wrote this as a part of my discerning process. It has helped me to write these thoughts down, and I hope it might have helped you as well. That being said though, your prayer is greatly valued as I struggle and wrestle with this. I hope I don't forget, again. And maybe my sudden impulse to come and process my thoughts here will serve as that reminder to myself, and maybe anyone else who has forgotten God.
"'Cause I am a sinner, if it's not one thing it's another. Caught up in words tangled in lies. But You are a saviour and You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful, beautiful." - Brokenness Aside by: All Sons and Daughters