Sunday, September 14, 2014

so here we are. the past few months have been kinda a blur. to give a brief recap, i spent july and august working at CLBI in Camrose helping out with maintenance type stuff. then i started school a couple weeks ago.

over all, lately I've been relatively stress free. but today i am anxious and a bit wound up. i have my reasons for these feelings; a death in the family, tensions in relationships i have with some of my friends, and just other things like that. i don't know why i am this way. I've come to realize these past few years that I'm an anxious person. i worry about things that i have no control over, its super annoying and i don't know why i do it. maybe its the fact that i can't control these things is why i get so wound up.

and so, at the end of the day, is there really anything i can do about it? not really, except just be conscious and aware of these thoughts. i think the other thing i really do is pray about it. cause in these types of situations when theres nothing we can do, theres comfort in the knowledge of prayer.

"I like the way you talk about all the things you've seen, you make the world seem small for a time, though its still to big for me. All my life, I've watched you dance along, to music that i can't hear, i ain't equipped to hear those songs." - The Moon is Down, by Radical Face

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Well... I've decided that I am going to try and go back to CLBI for their second year program. I applied and went through the intrerview process back in March, and I was accepted in May. Finally I had to decided for my self that i wanted to activally persue this. I think the school kind of forces returning students to decide by asking for a security deposite type thing (I forget the technical term for it) that is to secure my place for the fall and to asure them that i intend on going. So, some money poped up so I put that towards the deposite.

Im not really sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I was very hisitant before i finally started owning the fact that i was going to return. Its quit silly, actually. I activally avoided the topic of making a decision for a while. im not sure why, something in me was fighting it I guess, but now that I gave into what i thought was right, im kinda excited. Which is good. When the excitment over wheighs the fears i have, its a good day. the fears i have are still there, but i think that maybe the knowledge is starting to sink in, that i will be ok no matter what the school will throw at me. i survived it last year mostly intact. so thats good. whats the worst that can happen, right?

"Yes, I'm a little bit wasted. Just like a six-string, I sing only when I'm pressured Or when I'm alone with a rhythm and a reason. Heading for the season of the winter coat, Heartbeat heavy as a suicide note. Yes, I'm a little bit wasted; Nevermind, I'm fine, walking in a straight line, Trying out my voice for the first time" Southbound - Sea Oleena

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I mentioned in my last post that it was my birthday. I turned twenty last Saturday, which i don’t really know how to feel or think about it. i mean, I've grown up enough that birthdays are just another day out of the year. you don’t feel different when you wake up on your birthday from the night before when you went to sleep. at least i don't.


when i think about turning twenty, in my head, i kinda feel older. because I’m not a teenager anymore. i feel like I've changed demographics, and i guess i have. I’m now apart of the collage and career age group. i was before but now for some reason i feel like i belong to it more.


along with always growing older i have to start making more and more "life choices." the one that is coming up on the horizon, and the one that is most present on my mind is what to do this fall. whether to go back to school or not. back before i graduated the first-year program at CLBI i applied for their second year program, trying to keep my doors open i guess. anyways i did all that was expected for that and i got an email today saying that i was accepted. i have until June 30th until i guess i have to really decide. on June 30th the school wants a non-refundable deposit to secure my spot for next year.


there are a lot of thing's about going back next year which kinda worry me. all of the out trips the school does, and the impact trip. something the school does which is unique is that they do a fall hiking/canoeing trip, which is in the first week in September. they do something called an urban hike, which takes you to the down town urban centers of big citys like edmonton or calgary to volunteer in homeless shelters and do things like that. the last trip they do is called winter camp/hike. which is what it sounds like. the second years also do something called an Impact Trip. which is a month long mission trip that takes place during the month of January.


i don’t know what it is about these things that worry me, i know God will be with me and that it will all be alright in the end. this past year i went on those outings, and yea they where hard, but i survived. Man i wish i could just get over myself and just live in the knowledge that God is with me and that it will all be ok in the end. i really wish i could just live in that freedom. i don’t know whats holding me back from that.


recovery is going well. i went and saw the surgeon for the second post operation appointment, and he was really pleased with how it is coming. so pleased in fact, that he told me he wants to see me in two weeks instead of just one. so that’s promising. I'm still praying that everything continues to heal properly, but also that the nerves heal and that the feeling comes back way sooner then expected. its all looking promising and kinda exciting. the swelling is continuing to go down, and you can start to see how my face will look after its all said and done.


"There, along the road, was a tiny home. The yard held dead machines behind its fences, Like they were its kids. Broken down, but still worth a lot to someone, It made me stop and grin."
 Along the Road - Radicalface

Saturday, May 10, 2014

its weird to think that its been almost a year since i last posted here, a lot has happened in that seemingly small amount of time. it really doesn't seem like its been that long at all, if you had asked me i would have said maybe a couple months since i last updated this space. i did make plans to post here last month, right before my surgery, but i ran out of time.


well lets do a year in review, shall we? last year around this time, i had just gotten back from a road trip i took with my brother, Thomas. and i realized some things on that road trip; mainly that i hated my job that i was working at. so when i got back to work on the Monday after my time off i gave my two weeks notice and  quit. after that time, i was offered a job at my camp as a "maintenance man." that was an interesting time, learning a lot of new things, like plumbing. i did maintenance for two months, and then i worked at camp as a senior cabin leader for the rest of the camping season. until the first week or two of august.


after my time at camp was done, i spent the rest of august working at odd jobs in the area making a little bit of extra cash. at the end of august i went and applied at CLBI -Canadian Lutheran Bible Institute, and then i was promptly excepted there. after that i went to school at CLBI for both the fall and spring semesters, that was an over all good time there. a lot of things where learned that i don't think I’d have learned other wise. God was present there.


most recently, I've under gone major facial reconstruction surgery (which is a fancy way of saying double jaw surgery) which happened on April 30th. that’s been the thing that I've been dealing with up till now. trying to eat enough, sorry, i mean drink enough. and keep my sugars and proteins and all that fun stuff up. I've lost about 15 pounds, last time i checked. its been really hard at times, especially at the beginning to stay positive, and to look forward to the future. but i know its all for the best, and that god is with me. here are some x-rays i got done this passed week which show the before and after of my teeth/jaw so you can see the big difference it has made.

 Before
After
 Before
 After

as you can see it's pretty crazy what they did. but anyway, i think there are birthday cards that need to be open so i must go.

"Packed up my clothes in a grocery bag, I'm going to find the creator, An old man in the clouds or a happy little alien, Whoever it is I need to thank her. And even though I don't know God, I'm happy with the mystery, And I'm certain that I feel it, Every time that you sing to me."
The Ghost Inside Our House - Cloud Cult

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Ive been thinking lately about topics that I could talk about, but I always never come up with a definite one. Then I had the thought, why do I need topics to talk about anyway?  I mean, when I first started un-regularly posting on here waaaaaay back in 2005, I just talked about what ever was on my mind. (I was in grade five, can you blame me?)

"Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Spelling-
I realy should get this spelling thing worked out. I keep making spelling mistakes,
no Mater how hard I try, I keep getting words wrong...
I should go to bed..."

As far as I can tell that's my earliest post. Almost a decade ago. That's a long time ago. I was 11, and that was the summer between grade five and six, when the world was small and i was big. Its kinda mind boggling to me that so much living has happened in that amount of time. Its interesting to me to go back and read the posts I wrote back then, to see who I was, (and to see how horrible of a speller i was.)

Right now I'm in between jobs, I quit my old one at the warehouse in Wetaskiwin, and I should hopefully start my next one at camp next Monday, so I have this next week off to kinda relax, and get things in order. On the list of things to do is get the car fixed, hopefully get my room cleaned up a bit, and hopefully I'll be able to catch up with some friends that I haven't been able to see in a long while. I hope your Saturday night is as calm as mine is.

"We make choices when we're little that we don't remember making, and they affect us our whole life." -Unknown Author

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

so im starting to figure out what this whole `being an adult` thing is all about. i mean, i excepted it all along, having to own everything about me and everything i do. even though sometimes my instincts are to run away and hide in a dark and lonely place. and its hard sometimes, to face that truth. one aspect that im really starting to notice it is with my teeth. for those that don't know im going to have to get surgery done on my jaw/jaws to move them around, and the first step with that was getting my wisdom teeth out a couple of weeks ago. and then getting braces this past Wednesday. besides being a real pain in my face, ill have to live with them for a year and a half to two or three years. what im hoping for and praying for is that the whole thing can go quicker then expected, and that my jaws stop growing, so they only have to operate on the top jaw, and not both. its kinda over whelming sometimes. and i found out that i have a border line irrational fear of going in for surgery, as the days leading up too my wisdom teeth extraction showed me. but on the day of it i know a lot of people where praying for me, cause i was able to not freak out and not have a break down or something stupid like that. i think the hardest part is that i have to try and own it, and own that this is part of me and is who i am. sometimes i would like nothing more then to crawl up into a little ball on my moms lap like i used to. but i cant. mainly cause i would probably squish her to death.
ive been meaning to update this space for a while. but every time i have an idea to write on, i always forget it when i sit down to write, or just procrastinate until dont even post. so be patient with me as i work on my procrastination. ( :

"is trying to find a meaning the point of it all, or does it dive deeper within? maybe its just much simpler then that, could it be in that little bit of hope. the hope in the morning when the sun comes awake, or the smell right after a storm. The stars in the sky, the jaw dropping effect that the universe has over my soul. the meaning of life is all around, its in every single thing you see. the air in your chest, the blood in your veins, its in everything."
Prelude to Life- Micah Friesen

Saturday, October 13, 2012

i find it interesting where i find my inspiration. usually it comes in random bursts. when i wrote this song i found inspiration from rain and thunder. i wrote it late one night back in June or July when it was raining out. i was just about to go to bed, and i went to close my window but i stopped and  stood there for  a while taking in my surroundings. the smell, the feeling, the mood in the air, and i was just awe struck at the simple beauty of it all. and so as i do everything, i attempted to write it down in a song. this is the product. except this time i had an idea to try and add sounds to it, specifically a thunderstorm. so i spent a week or two looking for sounds, and then trying to edit it into the song. tell me what you think.

http://micahfriesenmusic.bandcamp.com/track/pitter-patter-rain-lullabye-single

"but alas its time to sleep, i lay my head upon the ground. i hope i dream good things tonight, with that melody i have found."
Pitter Patter (Rain Lullabye) - Micah Friesen

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

These past five or six weeks I've been working at a tree nursery. the first week was hard, but it seems to be slowly getting better, and generally easier. probably because I'm learning the routine. but there are still a few 'bad' days, like this past Monday, i woke up at around five thirty with a bad stomach ache and have to take regular trips to the washroom, and i didn't think id be able to make it through the day, because usually where i work, we are out on job sites. and they generally don't have washrooms that we can use. but i found and took some drugs that plugged me up enough to make it through. its that part of the job that probably worries/ scares me the most. not having a regular place to take a dump. its kinda silly i know, but its genuine. anyway, its past my bed time, so where ever you are i hope you have a good sleep.

"The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun , I knew no words to share it with anyone, The boundaries of language I quietly cursed,  And all the different names for the same thing."
Different Names For The Same Thing - Death Cab For Cutie